Courageoous Move

There was a period of time in my life where I was so locked within myself that I could not feel anything. I went about my ‘normal’ activities, worked, took care of children and went to school. However, I felt nothing inside. There was this big hole. It wasn’t empty like many people think. This hole was filled with darkness, coldness, sadness and loneliness. I smiled, laughed and tried to carry on with my expected duties but there was no laughter in my heart or in my eyes.

At that time in my life, I thought it was a sign of strength to show no emotion or very little. I took pride in being able to hide my pain. I thought that if I cried or admitted that my soul was aching, that I would lose my self-control.

Ironically, at that time, everyone and everything else was actually controlling me. My job took up a lot of time. Raising my children as a single mother, filled in any spare time, trying to get an education was squeezed in between everything and then, there were the unexpected fires that seemed to flare up at the very moment when I thought I had some peace. Ugh!

One day, I became so tired of feeling empty, lonely, cold and sad that I decided to take real control of my situation. It was not easy but I had to look at me and my life. What was working? What wasn’t working? What made me happy? What was holding me back from my happiness?

What I learned was that when I took all the reasons, excuses and justifications away, I saw a common denominator…………..FEAR! I was afraid to take any action to change my circumstances because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I felt that by holding onto my present state, although gloomy, that at least I could control it. How silly it seems to me now but at the time, it was all consuming and very distressful.

When you find yourself sick, unhappy and miserable ENOUGH, you will seek out some relief from your suffering. This may take the form of counseling, religious guidance, your father’s advice, a friend or a favorite place in nature to relax. Hopefully, you will not turn to denial, addictions and anger, which is easy to fall in to. What is most important is that you take the first step of Action and seek positive guidance. When you seek to change your life, you must open your mind and heart to the spirit of the messages being given to you. They may come in a very different manner than what you are accustomed to. Remember that God likes to surprise us!

So, on that note, the quote of the day is:

“Courage is being brave enough to move beyond the fear!” tc